"Victims"?

When a 28 year old teacher sleeps with a 17 year old student, why is that the newspaper covering the story labels the victim as a “victim of the sex crime”? I mean, honestly, victim? I think a good measurement of whether or not you’re a victim is by how many high fives you get. If you receive three or more high fives following the criminal incident, you’re not a victim.

I see 3 or more because I’d imagine even burn victims get a high five or two. Friends visiting them in the burn ward.

“Hey man, congrats on living through that housefire, high five! Ooh, sorry, my bad.”

Commuting Safeguard

When using a pass that allows for commuting in a crowded city (ie, a bus pass in Chicago) that requires being pulled from the pocket often, do not store it in a wallet. Otherwise, repeatedly pulling your wallet out may make you a target for muggers and make you a victim of crime.